Category Archives: Dealing with Grief

Maybe I am Going Wrong Somewhere by Asif Iftikhar

Question: I have realised (while reading the Holy Qur’an again) that whoever is a true Muslim is protected by God. Also, a person (a Muslim) was talking to me, and he said that if I were a true Muslim, then these materialistic things would not matter to me and I would, as a true Muslim, be always happy. I, on the other hand, go into depression fits very easily. I feel hollow very often and get upset by a lot of things going around me. My moods have been fluctuating a lot nowadays, going from jolly to very hollow. This has made me undergo a kind of complex of perhaps maybe not being a true Muslim. Maybe I am going wrong somewhere. What should I do?

Answer: I am not aware of any verse of the Qur’an which says that a Muslim by definition is one who can’t get depressed. Getting depressed at times is but natural. A Muslim may get depressed on matters different from the ones which may be depressing to a non-Muslim. Perhaps, a non-Muslim might get depressed if he can’t find a girl to flirt with. A Muslim, on the other hand, might get depressed even if he commits a minor sin. But his depression is not one borne out of hopelessness.

Even in extreme depression, a Muslim never loses hope in the Mercy of His Lord, for he knows that even if he has blundered into sin, his Lord Allah will forgive him if he does not persist in his wrongdoing knowingly.

Advice for Husband

Discussion between the spouses increases the love between them and strengthens the bond between them; it also helps to reach the right decision in matters of married life and household and family affairs.❤

When starting a discussion between you and your wife , open your heart and mind to what she has to say, and listen attentively. Then you can either accept what she says and thank her, or reject it gently whilst also thanking her. ❤

Do not forget that she is your life partner and the one who is helping you to raise your children and organise your household. So it is not appropriate to close the doors of discussion to her. ❤

You should not be too proud of your opinion and or feel that you do not need to discuss with her and hear her opinion. ❤

Do not neglect the words of your Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): ❤ “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife.” ❤
Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3314.

Over and above that, do not forget the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning):

❤ “And live with them honourably” [an-Nisa’ 4:19] ❤.

Husbands who do not admit their mistakes and do not acknowledge that their wives could be right is the very essence of arrogance, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) defined it . It was narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

❤ “No one will enter Paradise who has an atom’s weight of arrogance in his heart.” ❤

It is not the attribute of the wise and mature man to insist when he is in the wrong that his wife should be the one to apologise. Rather he is the one who should hasten to admit his mistake, apologise for it and ask his wife to forgive him. And her duty is to apologize to her husband if she is the one who is in the wrong. It is in this way that married life takes a correct course and lasting love and compassion are strengthened between the spouses. Abu’d-Darda’ (may Allah be pleased with him) said to his wife:

❤“If you see me angry, try to calm me down, and if I see you angry I shall try to calm you down, otherwise we cannot live together.” ❤
❤ We ask Allah to guide all married couples to that which He loves and is pleased with, and to bring them together in the best of ways.❤ Ameen!