Category Archives: Marriage

Keep Eyes Off Awrah

islamic-wallpaper-allah-quran-green-690x517.jpgThe Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “No man should look at the Awrah of another man and no woman should look at the Awrah of another woman. Also, no man should be with another man under one piece of cloth and no woman should be with another woman under one piece of cloth.” [Muslim]


The Awrah for a man is from his navel to just below his knees. The entire body of a woman with the exception of her face, palms and feet are included in her Awrah in front of a man. In front of another woman, her Awrah is from her navel to just below her knees; though keeping her body well covered and not looking at others’ bodies is more modest and thus more beloved to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala).


Night Alone in House

The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Beware, no one should spend a night alone in a house with a single (divorced or widowed) woman unless he is married to her, or happens to be her Mahram.” [Muslim]

“In the above Hadith, it is prohibited for any man to spend a night alone in a house with a non-Mahram woman. This prohibition is based on foresight and wisdom. In principle, it is prohibited for a non-Mahram man and woman to be alone together under all circumstances, but the specific prohibition of spending a night alone under one roof has been separately mentioned, because in the darkness of night where others are not likely to witness anything, the opportunities for misconduct are greater. Again, all the non-Mahram relatives, such as cousins and brothers-in-law, are also included in this prohibition. Often, women do not take precaution with these men and go in front of them without Hijab. This prohibition is both for men and women. Men have been addressed in the Hadith, because they are stronger and may not be easily deterred by a woman.

“Imam Nawawi writes in Sharah Muslim that the reason that divorced and widowed women were separately mentioned in this Hadith is that due to their being alone, these women become easy prey for men who are looking to marry or have bad intentions. They will not dare to visit single girls because they protect themselves and are also protected by their parents.” [Hijab by Dr. Mohammed Ismail Memon Madani]

Visiting non-Mahram Women

The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Do not visit women in the absence of their husbands because Shaitaan circulates inside you like your blood.” [Tirmidhi]

Should it become necessary to visit a non-Mahram woman, it should be done so in the presence of her husband and the rules of Hijab (segregation) must be observed. When a non-Mahram man and woman are together alone, it often results in immoral conduct. This is why Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) has forbidden it in the Shariah of Islam to prevent corruption.

Take Allah’s advice!

“And Shaitaan will say when the matter is decided, ‘It was Allah Who gave you a promise of truth, I too promised but I failed in my promise to you. I had no authority over you except to call you but you listened to me; then reproach me not, but reproach your own souls. I cannot listen to your cries nor can you listen to mine. I reject your former act of associating me with Allah. For wrongdoers there must be a Grievous Penalty.’” [Quran: Surah Ibraheem, Ayat 22]

Ungrateful Wife

The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “On the Day of Judgement, Allah will not even look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband, despite the fact that a wife can never get along without her husband.” [Nasai]

This is a warning statement. May Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) save us from being ungrateful or thankless.

MARRIAGE(a story)

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our 4 children clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our children came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart”.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Advice for Husband

Discussion between the spouses increases the love between them and strengthens the bond between them; it also helps to reach the right decision in matters of married life and household and family affairs.❤

When starting a discussion between you and your wife , open your heart and mind to what she has to say, and listen attentively. Then you can either accept what she says and thank her, or reject it gently whilst also thanking her. ❤

Do not forget that she is your life partner and the one who is helping you to raise your children and organise your household. So it is not appropriate to close the doors of discussion to her. ❤

You should not be too proud of your opinion and or feel that you do not need to discuss with her and hear her opinion. ❤

Do not neglect the words of your Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): ❤ “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife.” ❤
Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3314.

Over and above that, do not forget the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning):

❤ “And live with them honourably” [an-Nisa’ 4:19] ❤.

Husbands who do not admit their mistakes and do not acknowledge that their wives could be right is the very essence of arrogance, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) defined it . It was narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

❤ “No one will enter Paradise who has an atom’s weight of arrogance in his heart.” ❤

It is not the attribute of the wise and mature man to insist when he is in the wrong that his wife should be the one to apologise. Rather he is the one who should hasten to admit his mistake, apologise for it and ask his wife to forgive him. And her duty is to apologize to her husband if she is the one who is in the wrong. It is in this way that married life takes a correct course and lasting love and compassion are strengthened between the spouses. Abu’d-Darda’ (may Allah be pleased with him) said to his wife:

❤“If you see me angry, try to calm me down, and if I see you angry I shall try to calm you down, otherwise we cannot live together.” ❤
❤ We ask Allah to guide all married couples to that which He loves and is pleased with, and to bring them together in the best of ways.❤ Ameen!

Is there a set age for marriage in Islam?

I would like to know whether there is a set age for marriage in Islam for men and women? I hope you can explain with reference to the Qur’aan and saheeh hadeeths.

Praise be to Allaah. 


Islam does not give a specific age for marriage, either for the husband or for the wife. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And for such of your women as despair of menstruation, if ye doubt, their period (of waiting) shall be three months, along with those who have it not”

[al-Talaaq 65:4].

Al-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “along with those who have it [menses] not” means minors, those who have not yet started to menstruate. Adult women who have never menstruated at all are like those who “despair of menstruation” (i.e., have passed menopause); their ‘iddah is three months. End quote.

Tafseer al-Sa‘di, p. 870

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) when she was six years old and the marriage was consummated when she was nine years old. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4840) and Muslim (1422).

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in al-Sharh al-Kabeer, 7/386:

With regard to females, the father may give his minor, virgin daughter who has not yet reached the age of nine in marriage, and there is no difference of opinion concerning that, if he gives her in marriage to someone who is compatible. Ibn al-Mundhir said: All of those scholars from whom we acquired knowledge unanimously agreed that it is permissible for a father to give his minor daughter in marriage if he arranges her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for him to do that even if she is reluctant. End quote.


No one may give a minor daughter in marriage except her father according to the view of Maalik and Ahmad. This was also the view of al-Shaafa‘i, but he regarded the grandfather as being like the father in that regard. Abu Haneefah said – and it was also narrated from Ahmad – that it is permissible for a guardian other than the father to give (the minor girl) in marriage, but the more correct view is the former one.

See: al-Mughni, 7/33


The father should not give a minor daughter in marriage except in a case where he thinks it is in her best interests. Just as he may only dispose of her wealth in that which is in her best interests, the same applies with regard to arranging her marriage. Islam only permits that to the Muslim father who is pious and pays proper attention to the best interests of his children, and who understands very well that he is a shepherd and that he is responsible for his flock.

Ibn Wahb narrated that Maalik said, with regard to a man arranging a marriage for an orphan girl under his care: If he thinks that (the husband) is a man of virtue, righteousness and wisdom, it is permissible for him to do that.

Ahkaam al-Qur’aan by al-Jassaas, 2/342


A man should not consummate marriage with his young bride until she is physically able to bear intercourse. This varies from one time, place and environment to another.


What young men and guardians of girls should do is hasten to arrange marriages, so as to guard chastity and protect honour, and so as to attain the great purposes for which Allah ordained marriage.

And Allah knows best.